i jhust puked up my retainher.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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