LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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