if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
