Buhtt sex?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
