Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
