I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
