Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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