K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
