You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
