so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
