The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
