I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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