all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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