he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
