Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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