Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
