my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
