Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think I just sharted jello shots
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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