I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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