I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
