I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
