If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
thus making me awesome and them whores
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
