it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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