he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
