He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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