That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
