the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
