On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
