my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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