ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
