hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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