i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
