I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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