4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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