If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
