I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
