I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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