It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
