Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
