My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
