she woke up with a sticky ear
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
