someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
