OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
