can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Bring me that man meat
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
