Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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