this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
