If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
