he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
