? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
