Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
