I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
