so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
