farters have to be the big spoon...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
