You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
