anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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