did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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