I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
