I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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