Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
