The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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